I last posted on the 4th of July, and I hope everyone had a great one. Mine was relaxing and enjoyable, but during that day and that weekend, something else was weighing on my family and I. My Grandma had been in the hospital since Tuesday of that week with pneumonia. I visited her Wednesday after work and she seemed like her old self again, just tired. Thursday, however, she needed to be on 4 liters of oxygen and slowly declined from there. She fought very very hard, but her defenses were already down from her chemotherapy from having leukemia since November. That, combined with the pneumonia and eventually sepsis, even she wasn't strong enough to pull through. The morning of July 8th, she passed away - about 2 weeks before mine and Nick's wedding. As you can imagine, I didn't really feel like doing a whole lot on here, especially since I had some more wedding stuff to get done! We actually just had a memorial service on Tuesday to honor and celebrate her life, and it was wonderful. Even though she couldn't be at our wedding last weekend, I know she was there in spirit - especially because Nick and I still made the cream cheese mints she makes for every cousin's wedding! I'll admit, it's been tough here and there. I still think of visiting her and how frightened she looked a few times because breathing was so hard. I also think of how we had planned on making those mints and never did it before she went to the hospital, and her worrying so much about getting them done in time because, surely, she was going to get better and leave that damn hospital. Even though I assured her it was not a priority, she worried and worried, and most of all she worried about whether she would have to have a wheelchair to get down the aisle to our wedding. That's my Grandma, though. Even in the midst of her own pain and struggle she was worried about getting to my wedding and wanted to so badly. It makes me feel glad to know that my wedding was something that kept her hopeful up until the last day, when she finally said, "enough."
Though I hated not having her there at times, I think the recent events made it that more special. Once again, I am reminded that life is short, and though I don't have a lot figured out, that doesn't matter. What really matters are the relationships that you cultivate in your life, whether they be family or friends (which were really like family to my Grandma). My Grandma was the matriarch that held my mom's side of the family together all these years. We grew up together and did everything together - Christmas Eve at Grandma's, visiting after church almost every Sunday, cousin sleepovers - these were things that I feel happened because we wanted them to, but also because my Grandma enjoyed them. That woman had so many people by her side that last week: her family from Salem and Portland, my cousins making a trip down from Seattle, and countless friends that either stopped by for a few minutes or gave her a call. She had her biological family, but she also had her family of friends that she had countless outings with throughout every week through every year, up until the week she got sick. She was loved and cherished by many, and that's because she loved and cherished many and made a point to invest in those relationships. That's how I want to live my life.
My Grandma was an amazing human being, and I hope to be half the woman she was. She was so joyful, energetic, loving, and strong, and took on the last year of her life - a very hard one - with strength, grace, and optimism. She had her moments, because even the strongest person can crack, but those moments were few and far between, and she never let her circumstances stop her from being herself. My Grandma is an inspiration to me and showed me that age is just a number and that love is still the strongest and best thing we have in this world.
I'm sorry for the downer of a post, but I feel like it needs to be out on this blog before I can continue with light and happy things, of which I have a lot to talk about. After all, I did get married last week! In the midst of all the sadness, there has been a lot of joy. I had a lot of fun finishing the final details of the wedding and even more fun when all of our friends came into town the week of! Stay tuned for posts on the wedding festivities and the fun things we've done during our time off with visiting family and friends :)
And now, the last pictures of me and my Grandma, taken at my bridal shower the day before she got sick.
